Networking mistakes: how to follow up without being pushy

Common networking mistakes include an unclear request, expecting too much from a first conversation and sending messages without an agreed reason. Improve the specific behaviour: explain the request, reduce its scope, ask about further contact and accept a refusal. Charm and a large network do not replace respect for someone else's time.

Be clear about why you are contacting someone

If you want to offer a service, say so. If you want to understand a profession, ask about the person's experience. Avoid inviting someone to “just connect” and then surprising them with a sales pitch or a request for a job referral.

CareerOneStop describes an informational interview as a conversation about someone's experience in a field, rather than an interview for a job. Keeping that distinction clear helps establish expectations. Agreeing to talk does not oblige the person to recommend you to an employer.

Make the request manageable

These are fictional examples of editing a request. They do not guarantee a reply. A large file sent without context also creates work for the recipient: explain the topic first and ask whether they are willing to look.

Leave room for an answer or a refusal

Do not interrupt an answer with the next item on your list. Check what you heard: “Have I understood correctly that agreeing on the requirements is the difficult part?” If someone says the timing is inconvenient, end the conversation. Avoid demanding an explanation or switching channels to get around a refusal.

For an initial conversation, prepare a short introduction and one work question. A request for “advice” should not silently include hours of unpaid project review. If you need ongoing help, discuss the format, time and terms separately.

Follow up with a reason

Here is a fictional message after a meeting:

Hi Alex, thank you for the conversation after the project review. You asked about the research template, so here is the public version I promised. If you try it, I would be interested to hear what you needed to adapt for your project.

The message has a clear context and fulfils a commitment. Avoid attaching an unrelated sales offer or a request for urgent feedback on your own work. Before introducing two people, ask each of them and agree on which contact details you may share.

If there is no reply, consider the context and what you agreed. One brief reminder about a specific question may be appropriate, but it is optional and does not justify repeated messages. Do not add someone to a mailing list or group chat without permission.

Repair a mistake without adding pressure

If your request was too large, acknowledge that briefly: “I realise I asked for a substantial review. I do not expect you to make time for it.” Avoid following this with five more questions. If you are late sending something you promised, give a realistic date or explain that you cannot prepare it.

Start with what you control: the clarity of your request, your commitments and the boundaries of the conversation. If the audience does not fit, reconsider your choice of community or event. If you have already agreed on mentoring, explore manageable support and a mentor's boundaries.